I’m often asked the question, why do I write about Female Led Relationships?
Well, the answer to this question, is a big answer, because it requires going back in history, and understanding where I’m coming from. When I was growing up, my birth parents were separated when I was 2 years old. So my mother raised me, and she found a partner, who she ended up fighting with nearly every day.
I would come home from school, and fall asleep to yelling and screaming, but not the good kind. The kind that leaves emotional and mental scars. It’s an unhealthy place to be, when people aren’t getting along with each other, even when you’re the child that isn’t directly involved. It’s unhealthy for everyone.
Not only is it unhealthy, but it also begins to alter ones perception of the world, and it induces a sort of fear, that letting someone into your life, means fighting and arguing all the time. What if it turns out exactly like that? So you’ve got to make a choice, between letting someone in and taking that huge risk, or shutting yourself off from the world entirely, because what’s the point?
So I shut myself off, and just decided to observe everyone around me and how their relationships played out. I witnessed my aunt and uncle, my grandparents, my friends parents, and so on. Every single relationship became a new perception, a new observation to understand what it takes to have a healthy relationship. You can learn a lot by simple observation, because when you are able to remove yourself from the equation, you can look at a relationship, situation, or experience, from a neutral standpoint. Without judgement. As soon as you judge a situation, you become a victim of it, you’re involved, offended, sucked in, a part of it. So I remained neutral.
I grew up, and watched my aunt and uncle get divorced, my grand parents get divorced, my mother split with my stepdad…. literally every relationship I knew of, was falling apart. So where was this whole, happily ever after that Disney keeps promising? So naturally, I dug deeper. I observed more, and I began to notice things that successful relationships had in common.
Chemistry, intimacy, compassion, bonding, caring, support, romance, trust, and most importantly, the right attitude to want to make it work. Open communication. It’s like a recipe. Except there’s a secret ingredient that even when you have all of those things in alignment, that most relationships fail to realize. While all of those things that lead to an amazing sex life, based on passion alone…. it still didn’t address the power struggle.
No matter how great a relationship was, there was always a power struggle even if they dealt with it in a diplomatic way, and said, sure, tuesday’s your day honey. There was still this underlying tension, this push and pull. And yes, for many, this can work no problem. For many it’s enough, and it’s just life. That’s what vanilla living is. It’s about compromising, and accepting your partner’s flaws and all the messy details that come with that. But…. as I began my own journey into discovering sexuality, I began to see that there was something beyond the vanilla veil.
I began to see that when you have a clear structure of power, plus all the things mentioned above, that extra secret ingredient of one partner willing to allow the other partner to lead, suddenly, all the tension, arguments, stress, disappeared instantly. Especially when one partner doesn’t actually want to be making decisions and having power. There are a lot of people in the world, more than happy to allow someone else to make the decision for them. But their partner expects them to decide, and so they make decisions they don’t want to make…. you can see how this creates tension and leads to arguments and so on.
Once I could see this, and understand that a relationship flows better and smoother when one has the power, while the other is supportive, thus began my journey into the D/s dynamic, and the world of female led relationships.
I began writing about female led relationships because I got so sick and tired of seeing so many relationships fail, when the solution is right in front of their eyes. So many marriages fall apart due to power struggles that are totally unnecessary if approached from this relationship model. I know that our personal relationships affect the world around us. I lived in an unhealthy house hold growing up, and I know that my moods affected everyone I knew. So many people are going out into the world with a state of being that’s in turmoil, and that prevents them from being who they really are, and opportunities pass them by as a result. Human potential is missed, and kicked to the ground when the household relationship is not healthy.
It creates unhealthy lifestyles, ego runs rampant, children are neglected, and it creates negative emotional states of being that might lead to a whole host of health issues. It keeps people confused about what they really want, and who they really are, it’s a form of suppression that most people have no idea even exists, or that they’re exposed to it. As a result, there’s a whole lot of really good people living alone, becoming hermits playing goofy facebook games to keep them entertained because they have no idea how to interact with the world anymore.
I write about female led relationships because they present a solution, a way of creating a healthy relationship that can create a healthy lifestyle, in which fulfills both partners sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically. Imagine how much potential they can realize as a result? There’s so many possibilities that surround us at all times, and if we’re being beaten down by relationships, we never realize that.
Female led relationships are just one solution, they aren’t the only solution. I’m not going to sit here and write that female led relationships are the one and only way and that women should rule the world, because I don’t believe that at all. But you can take this, and apply this to your relationship, and fit it into your lifestyle. Because awareness is power. Now that you’re aware that your relationship is likely being sabotaged by a lack of communication, and power struggle, you have the power to do something about it.
I write about female led relationships, because women deserve the power, in a patriarchal world. It goes against the status quo, and can bring about great change, for the better. I do not for one second believe that women are superior to men. I do not believe for one second that women should rule the world and that men should be their slaves. This is a radical way to look at things. I want to look at it in a practical way. Working with the way the world currently is, and using it to your advantage, so you can realize your potential here and now. Sexually and non sexually.
Which is why I wrote my book series Practical FLR. To help as many people as possible, to discover the wonders of a female led relationship. Thank you for your support.
